The Three Cs of Parenting: Curiosity, Compassion and Courage
Three anchors to hold onto when parenting feels overwhelming
Parenting can feel like a constant balancing act, tuning in to our children’s needs while also getting through the day. It’s not easy. Especially when emotions are high or behaviour feels confusing. That’s where the Three Cs can help: a simple tool to guide you when things feel tough.
Curiosity – “What’s really going on here?”
When your child’s behaviour is confusing, challenging or just plain frustrating, try to pause and be curious.
Curiosity is like a parenting superpower, opening a door into their world. It helps us understand what’s going on beneath the surface; what they’re feeling, what they need, and why they might be acting this way.
Being curious means putting your own reactions on hold for a moment and listening with the aim of understanding, not fixing. This can be especially powerful when tempers are rising or things feel tense.
Curiosity doesn’t mean agreeing with your child or ignoring unacceptable behaviour. It just means asking: “What’s happening for them right now?” rather than “How do I get them to stop?”
Try phrases like:
“Tell me more.”
“So if I heard you right, you’re saying…”
“That sounds important to you.”
“Wow, that’s so different to how I see it — can you help me understand your point of view?”
Curiosity helps us move past snap reactions, moving beyond assumption, reaction, and punishment and helps kids be curious about their own decisions, too.
Compassion – “Can I step into their shoes?”
Compassion is about truly feeling with your child, essentially putting yourself into their shoes. It’s not about fixing or making the problem go away, but about sitting beside them emotionally, even if you don’t agree with what they’re saying or doing.
When we show compassion, we create safety. Our children feel seen, heard, and understood, and this helps them begin to regulate and move through their feelings.
This doesn’t mean giving in or letting go of your boundaries. You can acknowledge that something is hard and still hold the line. For example, “I know you don’t want to do your homework, and it really does feel hard. I’m here — and you still need to do it.”
Compassionate parenting might sound like:
“That sounds really tough.”
“I can see how angry/upset/frustrated you are.”
“How can I help right now?”
Sometimes, just saying less and being emotionally present can make all the difference.
Courage – “Can I stay kind and in charge?”
The final C is crucial, but often the hardest: courage. It takes real courage to stay calm and consistent when your child is upset, especially if they don’t like your decision. We often associate boundaries with harshness and old-school ideas of controlling kids, but put those thoughts aside.
Children need us to be the steady presence, the one who can hold the boundary and guide them with love.
Courage in parenting shows up in many ways. It’s about letting our children feel difficult emotions without rushing in to fix or distract. It’s allowing them to struggle a little as they face challenges, knowing that this is how they grow and learn. It means holding our ground kindly, even when they push back, and resisting the urge to plead, coax or control their behaviour just to keep the peace.
Sometimes courage looks like sitting beside them in their discomfort without trying to talk them out of it, trusting that they can handle big feelings with our support. And it also means trusting ourselves: sticking with what we believe is right for our child, even when others may disagree. Courage helps us stay anchored, calm and consistent, even when parenting feels messy or uncertain.
You might say:
“I see you really don’t like this. I’m sorry, but my answer is still no.”
“I know this is hard, and I also know you can get through it.”
“I’m learning too. I want to find better ways to respond next time.”
Courage isn’t about being tough. It’s about being strong enough to lead with kindness and stay anchored, even when emotions are high.
The Three Cs – Curiosity, Compassion and Courage – offer a framework for connection and calm in those parenting moments that test us the most.
When in doubt, pause and ask yourself:
Am I being curious about what’s really going on?
Can I offer compassion, even if I disagree?
Do I have the courage to stay in charge with kindness?
No parent gets it right all the time.
But these three Cs can help bring us back to the kind of parent we want to be – connected, calm and confident, even when things feel messy.